Blame (SIM #81)

One of the places I believe my neurodiversity is apparent is how little time I spend thinking about blame. I don't think it's solely a function of potentially being on the autism spectrum (SIM #78 - Relentlessly Honest), although that's likely a contributing factor in combination with 1) growing up in two households of social workers, teachers, foster parents and volunteers, and 2) being heavily influenced by three books, Fooled by Randomness, Predictably Irrational, and Siddhartha. My brain tends to move quickly from blame to trying to understand the why; my wife now refers to me as a sympathetic autist.

Attribution is an important part of understanding the why, but I think attribution is different than blame, as it allows for important context or situational nuance. I believe intentions matter and I think a large part of our current public discourse is blame accompanied by a blanket assumption of bad intentions. And blame is rarely pointed inward; when looking inward, we are usually the responsible party with pure intentions in our personal narratives. I try to operate with the governing principle of not assuming bad intentions. Don't get me wrong, there are times this works against me and I'm much too forgiving or non-judgmental in situations that likely warrant more judgment.

We’re quick to blame, but it seems that none of us want to take personal responsibility for how we contribute to the polarization and a lack of understanding as to the why of others. We often assume we know their why, typically assuming some version of ignorance, brainwashed, or these days, evil. As I’ve written previously, whenever I spend time with folks of all different walks of life, it’s clear that we have so much more in common than in difference. 

Josh